God's plan

We have four active, healthy and beautiful children.  Before my last child was born, we decided that hubby would have a vasectomy.  It seemed like the perfect solution.  I had grown and birthed each of our children.  A small sacrifice on his behalf.  So he schedule the consult with the doctors for June 10, 2007.  My little boy was due June 17th....I am always over or induced.  So we thought this would give him just enough time to have the procedure and heal.  Well, this is when we learned that God doesn't consult with us first before making changes to our plans.  On June 6th, I had a routine prenatal check up with my midwife.  My baby was very sick and his heart rate was racing out of control.  I was rushed to the hospital and a crash C-section was performed.  My little guy was okay in the end.....after some amazing medical intervention and a miracle from the big guy upstairs.  This was my fourth birth, but first c-section.  My husband had to take off work to help me out.  Which also meant he missed his vasectomy consult.  Throughout the last couple of years, we had a couple appointments set for him to get this done.  Life always got in the way.  My son will be three this June.  Since then, we have treading on dangerous territory.  He never had that vasectomy.  I have had serious allergic reactions to condoms....yes, we tried all kinds..  And in August 2006, I had a mini stroke due to the extra estrogen in the birth control patch.  At which point, my OB said that using any form of hormonal birth control would be not be an option for me.


Let's fast forward to present time....

Since the birth of my last child, I have had serious health concerns.  I was extremely overweight, high blood pressure, high insulin levels (I was dx insulin resistant), missing periods, hair falling out, sever pain, fatigue......you name it, I was falling apart.  So, I changed my diet and started exercising.  I lost 70lbs and regulated my blood pressure and insulin levels.  My period returned to normal almost immediately after changing my diet.  Along with the return of my period, came the monthly fear that my period would not show......because of pregnancy.  Yes, we were done.  Yes, we needed to be permanently fixed so that no unexpected surprises would happen.  We knew this, but again......Life and the chaos that it brings won over.

The first day of my last period was March 3, 2010.  The following period was due March 30th.  On March 25th, I begun spotting.  I thought this isn't right....I have five days until my period is due to begin.  Then it hit me.....Implantation bleeding!!!!  This is light brownish spotting that happens when a fertilized egg implants into the uterine wall.  I ran out and bought a bunch of pregnancy test.  My period was not due yet, but if this was indeed implantation bleeding it may show.  I took two test that night, negative.  The 30th came and my period was a no show.  I took three more test on that day and the following day.....all negative.  So five tests later, I figured I was in the clear.  Maybe my period went missing because I slipped up on my diet with all the Easter snacking.  Maybe it was the insane amount of stress? 

This past Saturday (April 10th), I had to take my daughter to softball practice.  I had my three little boys with me too.  My youngest (2 years) is still in diapers and left a surprise on the way home.  Which I then remembered I was completely out of baby wipes.  So I stopped at Target on the way home.  I grabbed the wipes and my tribe and headed towards the check out.  When you are alone in a store, with four children, you get what you need and you jet.  Especially when your tribe consists of a 5,4,2 year olds.  I don't know why, but I was pulled to not get directly in line.  For some reason, I ended up in the feminine hygiene aisle....and staring at pregnancy tests.  I don't know why, I took five and they were all negative.  I assured myself this was a waste of money.  I can think of many other things to spend $9 on than a stick that I would pee on.  I grabbed a First Response Early Results (FRER) and jetted to the the check out.....with my ducklings in tow. 

I didn't have to pee when I got home and I didn't feel the urgent need to pee on the test.....like I did many times before.  "Must pee on a stick....NOW!!"  There was none of that.  Around 5pm, the coffee I sucked down during my daughter's softball practice sent me to the potty.  I decided to try a test.  I grabbed a stick, held it in my urine for the suggested five seconds.  I place the cap back on the test and sat it on the sink.  I watched as the urine pushed across the test window.  There would be one pink line for the control and then an empty space were a line would be if I were pregnant.  I saw the control line slowly appear....it wasn't very dark.  For a split second I was irritated that I wasted money on a test that would be invalid (didn't work properly).  Then the control line became darker.  There was no pink line in the pregnant area.  I breathed a sign of relief.  Then, I saw something....  Could it be?  It can't be!!!  An extremely faint line began to appear.  At first it appeared to be a shadow.  I grabbed the directions to see how much time they suggested to allow a positive to show....3  minutes.  Okay, at this it was maybe a minute?  I couldn't breathe, the room was spinning....  The line got darker and brighter. 

 I was pregnant.  5 weeks and 3 days pregnant, to be exact.  Hubby was at drill this weekend, but he was coming home for dinner.  I didn't want to tell him over the phone.  A baby.  Five children.  We were done.  We were going to go on vacations soon, with no diapers or strollers.  I would have all my children in school within a year.  I planned to use my new found free time to volunteer at the kid's schools, and work on starting my invitations business.  We were ready to throw ourselves into our kid's sports and activities.  We were done with our baby days and contently living as a family of six.  Which by today's standards is a large family. 

Saturday, April 10, 2010, God reminded me that my plan is simply a suggestion.  He has plans for me that are bigger than I can imagine.