It's the most wonderful time of the year...............

It's that time of the year again!!!  Birthdays, Halloween, more Birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas shopping.  The time of year where David and I go nuts trying to figure out how to make money appear out of thin air to cover not only our normal bills, but our holiday bills.  Ugh!  Every year, very soon after Christmas is over, we look at each other in complete shock that we actually did it!  This year is no different.  Halloween costumes alone cost a lot when you are buying for four kids.  Regardless if I were to make them or purchase some cheesy costume, it's about the same....$30-$40 per child (easily).  Emily decided on Wednesday Addams, which thanks to my mom is coming very cheap.  She found an old witch dress that can easily be converted to a Wednesday dress.  Also, she gave me a pair of witchy shoes.  Nicholas asked to be Jack Sparrow.  I thought about piecing this one together, but soon realized how intricate the costume was.  So, I settled on one of those cheesy store bought deals...$23 off of Ebay!  Brady was not swaying from his idea of being Harry Potter.  This costume had to be pieced together.  As they sell EVERY single accessory separate.  I found the robe in a party store for $20.  The glasses and wand was a deal for $13 from Ebay....most were $10 each.  I bought a white button down shirt (with tie included) from Walmart for $10.  Originally I was going to let him go without the tie.  I refused to spend the $20 they wanted for the Harry Potter tie at the party store.  Last minute, I decided I could paint it....worked out well.  He used his "prince shoes" from last year to complete the costume.  His costume was definitely the most expensive, $43!!!  However, Evan made up for Brady's expensive costume.  He originally wanted to be Indiana Jones, but I thought he is only three and he will have the rest of his big boy life to be some dorky character...right?  I convinced him that the old scarecrow costume I made Brady years ago was perfect for him!!!  Cha-ching.....FREE!

So Saturday we went to the annual Halloween celebration at Muddy Run campground.  We ended up getting there before anyone else and way before the festivities were about to begin.  We hung out with my friend at her campsite, had lunch and let the boys play on the playground.  Emily was with her father.  When the time came, we took them to the nature center.  There were tons of craft tables set up, and a place to decorate a pumpkin.  All free!  I love this festival!

 

After crafts, the kids got changed into their costumes.  Well, I drug my boys out to our van one at a time to change them.  My goodness, this is quite a feat for a 31 week pregnant woman. Eventually, they were all dressed to perfection and their faces were decorated with the appropriate makeup.  

Here is our group (minus our three oldest kids)...

 

We always have a few kids that walk away from the costume contest as winners.  And a few that have hurt feelings that need some mending.  This years winners were Nicholas (Jack Sparrow), Evan (the little scarecrow), Kayla (the tree), and Dustin (the scary scarecrow).  

Brady was confused at first.  He was sure he would win.  I explained to him that he won this contest two years before, when his brothers did not win.  It was their turn.  Plus, they shared their winning goodies with him.

The cutest Harry Potter.......EVER!!

Later, we had dinner at my friend's campsite.  The kids had fun playing with their cousins, roasting marshmallows.  We re-dressed them (yay) in their costumes just as the sun was setting.  Then it was time for trick or treating around the campground! 

So once again, we figured out how to make Halloween happen.  As for the other holidays.....I'm sure we will figure it out! ;)

31 week prenatal appointment

Yesterday, I had my 31 week appointment with my midwife.  Everything is going well with Miss Clara.  Blood pressure was fine.  I had lost a few pounds a couple appointments ago, and maybe only gained about a pound back....still doing great with the weight.  My belly was measuring about 33 weeks, but she is not worried.  She said that with every baby I have, they tend to leave a little behind.  Thanks kids!!  I did pass my 3 hour glucose test, but I'm still probably borderline diabetic.  So we are prepared to have a larger baby.  Honestly, I will be surprised if she is much bigger than her two youngest brothers.  Earlier in the pregnancy, she mentioned that she would send me for fetal assessments towards the later half of my pregnancy.  So I was not surprised when she brought up that I would be starting that next week.  I was surprised when she told me I were to go for NSTs (non-stress test) twice a week until Clara was here.  Right away, I had no clue how I would manage.  Kids can not come in the room for these tests.  I don't have a babysitter and David can't stay awake for anything to watch the kids.  I have so much coming up....speech therapy (Evan), more OB appointments, field trips, parent/teacher conferences, and now this?!?!  Of course I will make it happen.  It's just daunting.

I just can not wait to have my little girl safe in my arms.  Just two months (maybe less) to go!

Hooray for Pre-K!

Brady's teacher threw a little celebration last week. It was mostly to show us parents how far our little ones have come in a month of pre-k. Brady showed me his favorite center.....dramatic play (go figure). I'm telling you, this kid is going to be an actor! I could tell he loved having me without his siblings for an hour.  They read a book, "Hooray for me." I fought back tears. Then I hide my tears as they sang, "A World is a Rainbow." Yes....very hormonal right now.

 

How handsome is he?!  Brady is one of the most unusual little guys, but I am so in love with him!

Here is a song they sang.

An entire summer....

And not one post?  Seriously??  How does time slip away so easily?!  It seemed like school just ended, only to begin a week later.

My kiddos are doing great.  Summer was hot with many record breaking days.  We spent a good majority inside hiding from the hellish temperatures.  On August 30th, Emily started 4th grade and Nicholas started full day kindergarten!  He is riding the bus and all....yes, I cried.

 

Enjoying a snack in the cafeteria.

The first day was only a two hour (parent involved) orientation for Nicholas, so he didn't ride the bus.  Here was the next full day of school for him....

 

A few days later, I had to drop my Pre-kindergartener off for his first day of school!  Geez...will the tears ever stop?!  Brady started his first year of school on September 1st.  We had a one hour (also parent involved) orientation during that first day.  During the orientation, he had to pee.  The bathroom in the classroom was right next to where us parents were sitting.  Brady didn't shut the door all the way, and well, he is not very modest.  :P  While he was using the bathroom, the teacher continued telling the children about all the fun centers and activities they have planned.  Brady (still peeing) yelled out, "I love dress up!!!"  Everyone got quite a chuckle from that.  :)

In other news......

On August 2nd, we had our big ultrasound to see how our baby was developing.  I had nightmares for several days before that kept me up in tears.  The most notable one involved the baby missing a brain.  I know it sounds ridiculous, but not only is this possible, but it has happened to a friend of mine.  :(   I was very relieved once the tech put the little wand on my belly....there was a brain!!!  The baby was in the strangest position, with the legs straight up in front of the face.  We could not get a good shot of the heart, but I was due back in two weeks for a full echocardiogram...so no biggie.  What was a biggie (at least to me) is that due to this odd position, we could not identify the gender!  I nearly cried, but the tech told me to get up and do jumping jacks, pee...whatever.  I did as instructed, but baby would not budge.  At this point, I thought I would have to wait and try again in a few weeks during the echo ultrasound.  I was surprised when the tech told me to go run up and down the halls of the hospital for 15 minutes.  No tech has ever been so patient!  Sure enough it worked and baby moved it's little legs enough for us to get a good view.

  We are having a little GIRL!!  

I had girl feelings the entire time, but wasn't sure if that was because I knew how bad everyone else wanted me to have a girl??  The important thing is that she is healthy and not showing any abnormalities!  Later that evening, we had dinner with our families to reveal the gender of our baby girl.  Our mother's had to pop balloons (with their butts) to reveal what their next grandbaby would be.  I had lied to my kids earlier in the day and told them they were having another little brother.  I knew one of them would blab before the actual reveal took place.  Sure enough, Nicholas blabbed..lol.  So Emily thought she was having another little brother, which she took SO well and I was so happy for how she handled that news.  However, when the reveal happened, she was just as surprised as everyone else.  She cried later and told me she was so happy to finally have a little sister.  

My mother in-law and mom revealing the gender.

Another picture of our baby girl during her echocardiogram.

 We have decided her name will be Clara Joy Thomas.  I have done a little bit of clothes shopping for her...how could I resist?!  Other than a few newborn sleepers and onesies, she should be fine.  All of us are so excited to meet the newest and final member of our family.  Yes, she will be the last unless a miracle were to occur and God places another baby inside of me after a vasectomy and tubal ligation.  

 Here is a video of my mother and mother in-law doing the gender reveal.  It's loud (as is my house most of the time).  I sound bossy..haha

 

All good things must come to an end......thank goodness!

Well, things are finally coming to a temporary end around here.  Softball has ended for the year...Emily received her trophy yesterday afternoon.  The boys had their last baseball game yesterday, and also received a trophy.  Nicholas landed the game ball.  Which he has been dying to get since Brady got the game ball a month ago.  Nicholas and Brady also brought down the house during their dance recital.  They are in an all boy's hip hop group.  The audience went crazy for our boys.  I stood in the back of the auditorium while they performed (trying to get decent video.....no thanks to the old man that couldn't make his mind up if he wanted in or out of the auditorium).  I was SO proud of my boys and all the others on the stage.  Many of them faced fears of performing in front of others.  Brady, despite his insecurities threw all he had into his moves.  He thinks that he is a bad dancer.  Hmmm...wonder if it has anything to do with his older (and cocky) brother making comments?!  Ugh...I had a long talk with him last night and assured him that he was just as good as a dancer.  Brady tries harder and almost every activity he is in.  He may not be "the best,"  but the fact that he tries as hard makes up for the lack of natural ability.  So yes Nicholas, this may all come easy to you, but there is something to be said about hardwork.  I have many pictures and a video to upload, but Photobucket is currently not working for me. 

Just a few weeks ago, we went through our first "chain-reaction" illness.  Emily came home with a headache and fever.  Later is developed into a sore throat and cough.  She stayed home from school for a day and missed a few softball games.  However, it cleared up pretty quickly.  Next was Brady's turn.  It was pretty much the same pattern as Emily's.  Although, his happened on a weekend.  A weekend when my mother in-law volunteered to take the kids to give me a break.  Needless to say, it wasn't much of a break.  You would think with just having one it would still be fairly easy.  Which, it was considering if I had the others, I'd have to take care of a sick kid and them.  Brady made up for it though.  He was pretty much lost without his brothers and drove me nuts.  Once the motrin kicked in, he was bouncing off the walls.  By the way, I was also sick with fever and headache at this time.  All I wanted to do was lay across the couch......but I had to entertain Mr. Ants in the Pants!  A week had gone by, and I thought Nicholas and Evan escaped this little virus.  Not a chance!  Nicholas soon had the fever, sore throat and headache.  I kept him out of school a day, but the next day he acted well enough to return (the fever was gone).  When I picked him up that day, he looked awful!  I felt bad.  For some reason, he could not shake this fever.  During this time, Evan developed the same symptoms.  This time around, they got a nasty cough.  One that is so unique, I knew right away.  Oh crap.......croup!!  We spent that first night in the bathroom with the steam from the shower.  My boys were miserable.  I don't play around with croup.  Last year, Brady had it several times, but the one time he had stridor SO bad that I had to rush him to the ER.  His lips were turning blue...he couldn't breathe.  I took them to the doctor the following day and they were prescribed oral steroids.  I am happy to say they are completely recovered!  :)

So, this school year has gone out with a bang.  It has been seriously busy.  I absolutely loved watching my children grow and develop throughout this school year and months of activities.  Emily is a full blown tween.  I look at her sometimes and can barely remember my little two year old with ringlets in her hair.  Nicholas has grown so much with school.  Considering how scared I was to send him to school (with his unique traits), I couldn't be happier.  He had amazing teachers that appreciated him and all his uniqueness.  Brady is beginning to understand that he is his own person.  He continues to compare himself to others, but I will continue to praise his individual abilities.  He is a beautiful boy with a heart of gold.  Evan....well, my toddler is now a big kid.  He turned three just a week ago.  He is every part a big boy, but his speech.  Which is something we will conquer this year.  They drive me crazy, but I can't imagine my life without them.  

My thoughts exactly!

"The Bible calls debt a curse and children a blessing.  But in our culture we apply for a curse and reject blessings.  Something is wrong with this picture."

 -Dough Phillips

Heads up!

A few days after my last post, life threw me curve ball.  On April 22nd, I began to bleed.  It was enough to have me worried.  Immediately, I knew my pregnancy was ending.  I called my doctor and she suggested I try to get an appointment to see her in the office.  However, their soonest time would have been around 6pm that evening.  This was 7:20am!  There was no way I could hold out that long.  So, David called his mother so she could watch the children.  Then, I called my mother.  Remember, no one knew about this pregnancy.  So, you can imagine what was going through my mom's head when she heard her daughter say (through tears), "Mom.....I'm having a miscarriage."  She told me she was on her way.  Now, my mother and I have had a fallen out back in the fall.  I never really felt like she was emotionally there for me.  Even in my childhood.  This time she really came through though.  My mother in-law was also in shock over the surprise pregnancy...and now loss.

By the time I arrived at the hospital, the bleeding had subsided.  I peed in a little cup, and had an internal exam.  The doctor said my cervix was still closed and he wanted to do a transvaginal ultrasound.  He found an empty gestational sac, but wanted a confirmation from the radiology department.  So, I was sent there to have an additional ultrasound.  The ultrasound tech found the same.  I was told that I could be starting to miscarry or I was just not has far along as I thought.  Which, I couldn't believe that considering how meticulously I recorded my cycles.  A blood test was performed to test my HCG levels.  So, I was sent home.....and still did not know the future of my baby.

The next few days, I continued to spot/bleed on and off.  I mourned the loss of my baby.  I was sure this was it.  I tried to think of the positive things about not having another child.  I reminded myself about how stressed David I were over the thought of having a fifth child.  I let this soothe me and help  me through this rough patch.

Every couple of days after this, I had to return for more blood test.  This was to determine if my HCG levels were going up the way they should.  The first time, my OB said they were going up, but not dramatically.  The second time, she said they were not going up the way she liked to see.  So, I was sent for a follow up ultrasound to see if there was any new growth.......or to see if the sac had shrunk.

The ultrasound nearly didn't happen because of some screw up with insurance.  I thought I was about to jump over the desk and maul the poor lady, but I was able to convince her to give me a few minutes to straighten everything out.  Soon after, I was called back for the ultrasound.  The tech was very friendly and seemed genuinely concerned.  She said she would try an abdominal scan first.  The monitor was moved out of my sight and she spent a few minutes prodding around.  I jabbered on the whole time...mostly from my nerves.  She slowly turned the monitor to me and said, "There is your healthy little baby.  That fluttering is the heartbeat.  It's about 138 bpm."  What??  I'm still pregnant?!  But, I just got over this!!!!  I broke down.  I've never cried so hard in front of a total stranger in my life.  There was life inside of my womb!  Turns out, I WAS about two weeks behind my ovulation date!  I later found out from the OB that I must have ovulated the day or so before my period was due.  My new due date is December 19th.

Here is my little sugar plum...

I hear you, Lord

Psalm 139:13-16

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

I know a secret.......

David and I have decided to keep our pregnancy on the down low for now.  No one knows...not even our own children.  I have told a few friends, but none that have contact with our family or would say anything.  You know, this was a huge shock to us.  We didn't react very positively either.  We have four kids right now and we are struggling.  Struggling to maintain order and struggle to make sure bills are paid.  I swear, everyday the kids come home with another order form....pics, fundraisers, book fairs....neverending.  I want my kids to have a comfortable life.  Not to be spoiled, but not to miss out on too much either.  So I was freaking about all that.  David on the other hand was very content with that area of our obstacle.  I didn't know this at the time.  After a few serious discussions, I found he was actually freaked about just starting over.  We were over the whole "raising babies" stage.  We were ready to have our school children and throw ourselves into that.  He nearly fainted in the baby aisle at Target a few nights ago...I kid you not.

So for now, this pregnancy will be kept from our family.  I honestly don't see any one of them saying the slightest positive thing.  I'm sure there will be a lot of, "You're crazy!"  "FIVE?!?!"  "Don't you remember how that happens?"  "I thought you were getting your tubes tied?!"  I really don't want to hear any of that.  This was hard enough for us to come to terms on and the last thing I need is anyone telling me how we should live as a family.  When I can no longer hide my belly, is when they will know.  David and I will be strong enough and well equipped to verbally handle anything they throw our way at that point. 

God's plan

We have four active, healthy and beautiful children.  Before my last child was born, we decided that hubby would have a vasectomy.  It seemed like the perfect solution.  I had grown and birthed each of our children.  A small sacrifice on his behalf.  So he schedule the consult with the doctors for June 10, 2007.  My little boy was due June 17th....I am always over or induced.  So we thought this would give him just enough time to have the procedure and heal.  Well, this is when we learned that God doesn't consult with us first before making changes to our plans.  On June 6th, I had a routine prenatal check up with my midwife.  My baby was very sick and his heart rate was racing out of control.  I was rushed to the hospital and a crash C-section was performed.  My little guy was okay in the end.....after some amazing medical intervention and a miracle from the big guy upstairs.  This was my fourth birth, but first c-section.  My husband had to take off work to help me out.  Which also meant he missed his vasectomy consult.  Throughout the last couple of years, we had a couple appointments set for him to get this done.  Life always got in the way.  My son will be three this June.  Since then, we have treading on dangerous territory.  He never had that vasectomy.  I have had serious allergic reactions to condoms....yes, we tried all kinds..  And in August 2006, I had a mini stroke due to the extra estrogen in the birth control patch.  At which point, my OB said that using any form of hormonal birth control would be not be an option for me.


Let's fast forward to present time....

Since the birth of my last child, I have had serious health concerns.  I was extremely overweight, high blood pressure, high insulin levels (I was dx insulin resistant), missing periods, hair falling out, sever pain, fatigue......you name it, I was falling apart.  So, I changed my diet and started exercising.  I lost 70lbs and regulated my blood pressure and insulin levels.  My period returned to normal almost immediately after changing my diet.  Along with the return of my period, came the monthly fear that my period would not show......because of pregnancy.  Yes, we were done.  Yes, we needed to be permanently fixed so that no unexpected surprises would happen.  We knew this, but again......Life and the chaos that it brings won over.

The first day of my last period was March 3, 2010.  The following period was due March 30th.  On March 25th, I begun spotting.  I thought this isn't right....I have five days until my period is due to begin.  Then it hit me.....Implantation bleeding!!!!  This is light brownish spotting that happens when a fertilized egg implants into the uterine wall.  I ran out and bought a bunch of pregnancy test.  My period was not due yet, but if this was indeed implantation bleeding it may show.  I took two test that night, negative.  The 30th came and my period was a no show.  I took three more test on that day and the following day.....all negative.  So five tests later, I figured I was in the clear.  Maybe my period went missing because I slipped up on my diet with all the Easter snacking.  Maybe it was the insane amount of stress? 

This past Saturday (April 10th), I had to take my daughter to softball practice.  I had my three little boys with me too.  My youngest (2 years) is still in diapers and left a surprise on the way home.  Which I then remembered I was completely out of baby wipes.  So I stopped at Target on the way home.  I grabbed the wipes and my tribe and headed towards the check out.  When you are alone in a store, with four children, you get what you need and you jet.  Especially when your tribe consists of a 5,4,2 year olds.  I don't know why, but I was pulled to not get directly in line.  For some reason, I ended up in the feminine hygiene aisle....and staring at pregnancy tests.  I don't know why, I took five and they were all negative.  I assured myself this was a waste of money.  I can think of many other things to spend $9 on than a stick that I would pee on.  I grabbed a First Response Early Results (FRER) and jetted to the the check out.....with my ducklings in tow. 

I didn't have to pee when I got home and I didn't feel the urgent need to pee on the test.....like I did many times before.  "Must pee on a stick....NOW!!"  There was none of that.  Around 5pm, the coffee I sucked down during my daughter's softball practice sent me to the potty.  I decided to try a test.  I grabbed a stick, held it in my urine for the suggested five seconds.  I place the cap back on the test and sat it on the sink.  I watched as the urine pushed across the test window.  There would be one pink line for the control and then an empty space were a line would be if I were pregnant.  I saw the control line slowly appear....it wasn't very dark.  For a split second I was irritated that I wasted money on a test that would be invalid (didn't work properly).  Then the control line became darker.  There was no pink line in the pregnant area.  I breathed a sign of relief.  Then, I saw something....  Could it be?  It can't be!!!  An extremely faint line began to appear.  At first it appeared to be a shadow.  I grabbed the directions to see how much time they suggested to allow a positive to show....3  minutes.  Okay, at this it was maybe a minute?  I couldn't breathe, the room was spinning....  The line got darker and brighter. 

 I was pregnant.  5 weeks and 3 days pregnant, to be exact.  Hubby was at drill this weekend, but he was coming home for dinner.  I didn't want to tell him over the phone.  A baby.  Five children.  We were done.  We were going to go on vacations soon, with no diapers or strollers.  I would have all my children in school within a year.  I planned to use my new found free time to volunteer at the kid's schools, and work on starting my invitations business.  We were ready to throw ourselves into our kid's sports and activities.  We were done with our baby days and contently living as a family of six.  Which by today's standards is a large family. 

Saturday, April 10, 2010, God reminded me that my plan is simply a suggestion.  He has plans for me that are bigger than I can imagine. 

Don't touch me...please

Yet another thing I swore I would keep up with, but have failed so far.  Of course it is for me....just like my doctor/dentist appointments, regular haircuts, exercise.  Busy, busy, busy....so of course, my needs/desires are the first to go.  I joined a gym.  It opened several weeks ago, but I have yet had a chance to go.  Yes, my husband works long hours, yes there is dance class, girl scouts, softball, baseball, family parties, holidays.......I don't know....sleep.  In addition to all this, there is so much more that I want to do with my days.  Organizing my house and hanging up some pictures, curtains would be nice.  I have so many big ideas for the house, but I lack time, money, energy.  I wish I could have one of those HGTV shows come in and just redo it all.  Hell, I'll take a little public embaressment to get my house to look like the cover of Better Homes and Gardens........even if it only it will last just for a two minutes. 

It really sounds like I'm whining...doesn't it? I have  managed to do some positive things over the last couple of weeks. 

First, I realized I took a nose dive at 200mph off of my diet.  My period is MIA and hair is falling out as fast as it was a year ago.....ugh.  So I'm trying to detox again.  It's so hard with all the Easter candy laying around.  I am doing better than I was last week though.  I have probably gained 10-15lbs of weight since going on my vacation in October.  This terrifies me.  I've come too far to fall back into that vicious cycle.  I took a nice walk/jog around the block the other night.  While it kicked my butt, I felt good.

Second,  after weeks of panic attacks due to me stressing over how I would fit all the kids activities....I complete our first full weeks of practices!  Well, sort of.  Activities on Monday was cancelled because of Spring Break.  The majority of the panic attacks were before I recieved Emily's softball schedule.  I was so worried she would have practice on the opposite days as the boys.....which meant I would practically live at the field.  I considered pricing RVs so I could just live in the parking lot at the field.  I was nearly jumping for joy when I found out they were on the same days.  I love that my kids are active and want to do activities, but I dread the constant go go go.  Here is our weekly schedule...

Monday - School, 5:30 Hip Hop, 6:15 Girl Scouts
Tuesday - School
Wednesday - School, 5:30-7 Softball, 6-7 Baseball
Thursday - School
Friday - School
Saturday - 9:30 Softball, 12:30 Baseball

Add in housework, Emily's visitations with her father, doctor appointments, taking care of the dogs (wish someone would have talked me out of this), cooking dinner, etc etc....  I feel like I am spinning out of control.  Just typing that out sends my heart racing.  The good news is, I have found this more manageable than I thought it would be.


Third, David and I have completed a lot of the work that needed to be done on the backyard.  The yard was a complete disaster when we moved in last September.  The owners had cut a tree down....they took the logs away, but left all the other mess.  There was a lot of trash left from rebuilding the "deck."  I'm waiting for the very sad example of a deck to fall so we can take that away.  David was able to spread out the hump where the tree was.  Many fines, brush, trees, shrubs, etc were pulled up.  Grass seed was spread.  There is much more to do, but it's actually amazing how far we have come considering we can't even speak a sentence without being interrupted five times. 

Fourth, I am completely amazed that I have come this far in this post.  I'm also amazed that my head has not exploded yet.  Although, if one more kid hugs me, whines, asks me for something or needs me for anything else before I have the chance to type my closing sentence....that may just happen. 

In other news...  I have NO idea in which direction this blog is going.  Yes I love my kids.  Yes, I'm a SAHM.....  but there is so much more I want to write about.  So as for now, this will just be my complete mix/match of random thoughts.  Some good, some bad....some just plain scary.  One post, I may write about making homemade playdoh and spending hours with my little angels.  While others (most likely the majority) will be spend pondering the trials of motherhood....snot kisses, destroyed furniture, constant whining, soul sucking.  Life is good.  Some of the time.

I will leave you with a picture of my little soul sucking angels on Easter morning.  A basketful of goodies which we used to bribe them with for the last few months. 

Let it Snow....

This year has been exceptionally snowy.  I just LOVE it!!!  I guess because I don't work outside of the home and when it snows I get some extra quality time with the kids.  It just seems so quiet and calm when it snows.  Like it forces the entire world (well area) to to slow down.  Tomorrow we are expecting our second huge snow storm this year.  The first was the blizzard in December, that brought about 20-24 inches of snow to our area.  We've had a few other snows.....including about 6-8 inches just the other day.  This storm is suppose to be another whopper.  I've heard from 18-36 inches....depending on your area!  Anyone that lives in an area that experiences snow, knows that when it snows, the grocery stores turn into mob scenes!  We were suppose to go grocery shopping tonight, but David decided to take the boys to my mother in-law's.  So tomorrow morning, we will be fighting the mob and quite possibly the early snow to get our necessities.  I wouldn't even bother, but we really need groceries.  

Motherhood X Four

When I was a young girl, I loved playing Barbies with my little sister. We never had a fancy Barbie house and not much Barbie furniture. Many of our Barbies were hand me downs from our older sisters and their hair was already butchered. We would divide them up, each taking her turn to select which would join her Barbie brood. When it came to setting up a home for our little plastic families, we used our imagination. A bookshelf became a home, a shoe box was a bed, a wash rag became a blanket. My Barbie would always fall in love, marry and shortly after have a family.....a large family.

I remember my older sister brought home an egg from high school one day. She glued hair on top and drew a face on this egg. Then wrapped it in rags and placed it in her basket. I know she named it, but I can't remember. Turns out this was for an assignment for her Child Development Class. I knew that when I got to high school, I just HAD to sign up for that class. My time came. I loved learning about children..... How they grow mentally and physically, but I just couldn't wait until the time came that I too would be able to carry around my baby egg! We were learning about genetics and each got to select an envelope that held the contents of our "baby's" DNA..... Once we but together the genes, we would be able to learn our baby's gender, hair/eye color, if they had dimples, curly hair, etc. I slowly put the puzzle of my baby's DNA together when I learned that I was the only one in my class to have twins!!! That's right! Twin baby eggs! They were two little boys, both with blonde hair. One with brown eyes, one with blue. I named them Christian Avery and Andrew Corey. As soon as I got home that afternoon, I butchered some poor Barbie's hair and carefully glued it on to my little bundles of joy. Carefully I drew little faces and constructed diapers out of tissues. I found the perfect basket and line it with foam and rags. The following years, I went on to complete another CD class...part two, and a Family Dynamics class. By Senior year, I complete all the classes in this series, but my teacher told me that she had two positions for a Child Development Leadership program. Basically, I would be like a teacher's assistant to her. PERFECT!!! Well during this program, I was lucky enough to be involved in the trial run of Baby Think It Over dolls for our school. This little baby doll was programmed to cry whenever and for however long it wanted to. Around my wrist was the key to "care" for my baby. Which, I lovingly named, Emily Caitlin. Emily would later be connected to a computer, which would tell my teacher how well I did as a parent. My days with Emily were short.

From a very young age, I was drawn to the family life. I often thought about being pregnant, giving birth, raising children, kissing boo boos. I thought, maybe two children? Maybe I can adopt? I don't know what it was, but I was pulled towards being a mother. When I had my first child, I fell completely in love! A little girl I named (get this), Emily Kaitlyn. That's right, the Baby Think It Over's name!! I only decided on the alternative spelling while filling out the form in the hospital. I went on to have three more children, all little boys. My boys are rather close in age. We are a family of six. By today's standards, we are a large family. To me, this feels normal. I wouldn't have it any other way. Honestly, I would love to have more children, but I must be practical. My husband and I have considered becoming foster parent and possibly adoption. I believe that everyone is sent to this Earth for a reason. My reason was to be a mother. To not just my children, but anyone that needs the love and comfort that only a mother can provide.

So here is my reason for such a lengthy background (can you believe I am STILL typing). There seems to be a negativity that is attached to having many children. Perhaps this is a regional thing, but I've heard similar stories from moms of many from all over. There is a stigma that people associate with having a large family. I've heard it all.... Some people think of poor, uneducated trash that keeps breeding...maybe living in a run down shack and sucking off social services. Some people immediately think of religious cults...where the women are practically slaves to men. Or right away they assume you are some sort of crunchy hippy, that home schools.....which I have no objections to. The fact is, they assume. Assumption is a horrible thing to get caught up in. To judge someone before you know them or their full story. It's amazing at how many people feel they have the right to comment on something as personal as your family. I've heard it not just from strangers, but my family. In my family, it almost seems like a bad thing when someone reveals they are pregnant. Right away the gossip begins. With every pregnancy I announced (besides the last one), it wasn't greeted with open arms and congrats.... No, instead it was disbelief and pity. "What were you thinking? You can't handle that many kids!" "I'm sorry, but I am not happy for you." I will never forget these reactions. My husband and I were thrilled to welcome another blessing into our lives, yet we were so worried to share this news with my family because of the dreaded reactions. My husband's family is quite the opposite...thank goodness. Then there are the strangers that approach you while shopping in Target.  I've heard it all... "You do know how that happens?" Hmmm....so many times have I wish to ask them, "No, but can you please explain to me step by step so I know how.....I'd like for this to happen again!" "Wow...you really have your hands full!!" Towards the end of my last pregnancy, I was waddling along through a store. I had the two boys with me and my daughter was just a few steps away. An older lady approached me and complimented how adorable my little boys were. I thanked her. She asked me if I knew the gender of my baby. "It is another little boy." She frowned and asked me if I was trying for a little girl. My reply, "No way, I am thrilled to have another boy. This is my daughter."

Large families are not for everyone. Some people are content with the average two or perhaps an only child. As parents we make decisions for our children.....bottle/breast, vaccinate/or not, circumcise/intact, home school/public school, etc. This is just another decision for us to make. We are not freaks. We aren't selfish. We ARE loving, compassionate people. We want what is best for our children....just like everyone else. Before you judge, remember you don't know that persons story. Take a moment to consider how you would feel if someone was judging you for something as personal as your family.

Introduction

I've been wanting to create a blog for awhile...just never actually had time to sit down and do it. My thoughts may at times, be scattered and all over the place. Just keep in mind that during each blog entry, I am most likely interrupted 6,897 times. I'm expecting a lot of writer's block, but hopefully my random thoughts will be enough to keep me going. Also, be warned.....although I was brilliant in English in school, since having children, I've gone partially brain dead. Apparently, that was the part of my brain that needed to cut back to make room for all the new Mommy stuff I needed to retain.....

So down to business.....

I am Nicole, 30. Wife to David, 31. Mother to Emily, Nicholas, Brady and Evan. Their ages 9,5,4,2. I am a stay at home mom. Which can be tough, but I really can't imagine it any other way. My days are full of the typical SAHM stuff....getting kids off to school, picking them up, general care of the kiddos, cleaning, etc. I'm sure I will have tons of Mommy stuff to write of. While, I consider myself a pretty experienced mother, I know there is much more to learn. Especially about the teenage years.....currently in denial that this is coming in a few years!

My children really are the light of my life, but it wasn't always that way. While, I love them more than life itself...and would give anything for them, I guess I didn't always embrace motherhood the way I do now. I know my children are blessings, but for the longest time their day to day needs were so difficult. I often wondered was it just me that found all this mothering stuff so difficult. I struggled to find peace and balance within myself, my home, and my family. I have slowly come around to realize that I had "it" in me. I was a lot stronger than I gave myself credit for. I now realize that my children have made me the woman I am today. They taught me more about myself and life than anything else.

David is my best friend, soul mate, lover, support group. Just as with motherhood, marriage did not necessarily come easy. My husband is in the military. When we first became serious in our dating relationship, I found out I was pregnant with our first son (Emily is from a previous relationship...more on that later). We became married shortly before he was born. Talk about a shotgun wedding!! Ten days after Nicholas was born, David left for his deployment. This was just the first of many separations. It was extremely hard to try to adjust as a brand new family with being separated and both of us so stressed. I believe it took three years before we finally lived together as a family full time. David and I have truly been through many tests as a married couple. Financial woes (I don't believe they will ever end), deployment, High risk pregnancy, nearly losing our child.....and even a short marital separation. It took a very long time for me to trust him with my emotions and to be "there" for me. I can say with pride that we are now better than ever before. He is my best friend and I know I can count on him now.

Well, I will end this introduction now. Apparently it's play doh time.....I need to get with the program!